This morning I was flying up to Oakland and took out my favorite reading material these days Brother West, Living and Loving Out Loud. I have been a fan of Cornel West but my appreciation and respect has deepened to an entirely new level. I'm an avid reader but hadn't been doing much reading over the past few months until I received this book. Mainly there was SO much going on in my down time I wanted to completely unplug.
When I changed my plans and decided to come to Oakland a few days early I also vowed to spend some time writing and reading....to spend some serious quality time with myself. When I read his autobiography I was began digesting his words, really listening to his story. There are new words to learn, philosophers to research and a Black man to appreciate. His experience gives me hope, reminds me of some of my basic feelings of community, of friendships built.
I get to this section where he begins speaking about the blackouts he was experiencing and how they happened so randomly. One of them happened and he was at the complete mercy of strangers to help him, and they did. It was beautiful because I contribute their kindness to his karmic retribution. He'd been such an advocate of brotherhood & sisterhood he was ultimately protected against something that seemed natural. His doctor told him simply he needed to slow down. He refused to stop any of his efforts because of the impact he was making. I could totally relate to this!
As I started developing Voices In Color I began re-living some very painful situations including sexual assault and domestic violence. At the same time my plate was over flowing with work and responsibilities but my dedication to developing heart felt stories was at the forefront of my mind. With me reliving my past the anxiety attacks struck HARD as did minor depression. I went to the doctor and they prescribed me xanax and I'm happy to report I didn't fill that prescription. I believe we should try more holistic approaches before succumbing to pills. So I began studying my Buddhist literature, talking about my past with trusted loved ones and taking better care of my body. This helped me tremendously! Like Brother West, I deepened my relationship with self and started with my foundation of spirituality. What came of this was me working through some demons and producing a piece of work I'm exceptionally proud of.
I encourage everyone to never give up on their dream no matter what! Obstacles are going to happen including health. This doesn't mean to ignore them but instead to persevere through them remaining steadfast. Have the spirit of a lion king and never give up on yourself. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of how amazing we are to rejuvenate our spirit.
Peace, Kiki
